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A Guide for Art Students

As the academic year comes, let's take a look at this short guide: “How to Become Wonderful in Contemporary Art at the Age of 21”.
27 points about why I WON'T have Venice in my cv.

1.Do you know “people”? Are you coming from a wealthy family? Are you desperate enough and your brain soaks up everything like a sponge? Not ambitious and easy to “influence”? No skill? Then you don't have to read this: things will just happen for you.
2. Switch off all your ability to think critically: the main aim of critical theory is to criticize those who aim to criticize, complain, think or question institutional, contemporary art.
3. Do not cease to admire those on whom your future depends - that's what you are there for. Everything must be confirmed as even more wonderful than it is today (read below).
4. In your first year, you were subconsciously appointed as a genius. However, to avoid complaints about nepotism or subjectivity, the following years are a rollercoaster for you. Don’t worry about anything, you know people and people know people.
5. Do not forget to inform everyone with nonchalance how hard your studies go, how many subjects you barely passed and how low your grades were. Don’t worry about anything, you know people and people know people.
6. Write 300 words on your essay while 3000 words were required. You will pass. Inform everyone how amazing and wise 300 hundred words you wrote. Laugh at the faces of those ambitious idiots, who struggle and research. Your attitude, conformism and acquired views is what matters, not your knowledge, skill and ambition. You know people and people know people who know people.
7. Do not even bother to waste your time at the studio or doing your own work. You know people and people will make it for you. Now and later.
8. Did anyone ask you, how were you able to make your extensive installation? Where was the studio opened during the first stage of the pandemic or who paid for it? Did anyone complain that this scale is a bit suspicious and unfair in relation to your colleagues from disadvantaged areas? It is all about equality, isn't it? People who help people who help people who help people.
... 9. Does anyone question the fact that you have been awarded and consecrated by ONE small group of decision-makers? No? Have you ever wondered why your colleagues who gained recognition at the initial stage from various sources (including international) suddenly fell into oblivion? Well, you didn’t? It is because you know people who know people who know people.
10. Anyway, while still in college, don’t forget to constantly laugh at and bully those Desperados buried in books or working hard after hours till evening in the studio: who cares? You know people and people know people who know people that know people. It is a funding based system and yes, who cares?
11. Do not appear at the university at all: what for? Once your genius shines in the corridors of the institutions, everyone will understand that you were just born this way. The satisfaction of your genius, suddenly revealed after graduation, will be even more delightful. You will win a clear moral victory over these idiots who spent their time training, learning and upskilling. Those, who are not teaching, who don’t draw, paint or sculpt, who don’t know too much about ceramics will be delighted. Don’t worry about anything, you know people and people know people and it is all funding based craic. Have a craic with people who know people who know people.
12. You have to team with someone with very little ambition but at least with clear ability (ethical and financial) to copy patterns. Choose a pattern such as steel and cement or glass and wood. Technicians and fundings are waiting there for you.
13. Copying patterns: Plagiarism is a super important factor in your practise. This is a very simple economic trick; Someone has invested money in artwork in the 70's. From then on, similar works must be reproduced and shown in the most recognized institutions. The value of a given work from the 70's, solutions and thinking behind is constantly growing. You do not have to make any effort and look up your own way. Investors are happy, critics and curators have less and less to do: duplication is not such a difficult profession. The same goes for more recent works “done” by people you know who know people, the almighty ones.
14. We love minimalism and found objects: almost ZERO risk in this. Unlike painting conservation it is easy to reproduce. This form does not require long and boring years of training and studies. Ready-made solutions are waiting for you served on a plate at the institutional McDonald of contemporary art. It is there for you on the list of RECOMMENDED writings. Don’t think: what? Why this? How? From Where? Who cares?
15. Drones and digital / video art are also very welcome for the same reasons.
16. You can actually do whatever you want: don’t worry, you know people and people know people who know people who know people. It is all funding based craic. Have a craic with people who know people who know people. Anything you do can be consecrated by few of your besties such as curators or l… guys. They will be at your service from the very first days, spreading the news of your hidden genius on Instagram, shortly after graduation. Their role is to convince masses of rams about your uniqueness. Nobody will dare to speak in public about what happened in the college.
17. Avoid craft, discredit any form of practice that requires skill, experience and knowledge. These values would make your lightning-fast career impossible.
18. When you were doing nothing at the college, you never hesitated to emphasize how much you disrespect people familiar with art history whom you called “snobs”.
19. Because you know people who know people, any form of your activity will be consecrated and praised. The degree of these enthusiasms depends on many factors. Sometimes it is the social status of your family, other times a degree of your conformism. There are millions pumped in this game. Most importantly, do not dare to challenge the current principles and comfortable positions resulting from this system.
20. Use Instagram, share and pamper with compliments, constantly. Admire, emoji your enthusiasm, click only on consecrated by institution profiles. There are no critical reviews in this system and it is one of the most important rules.
21. Your services to the "elite" will be rewarded with a promotional article, highlighted by an embarrassing title, but who cares? You are out there, shining like a star. You know people who know people who know people who know people.
22. At some point, it may turn out that the clever actions of people who know people who know people face a wave of criticism. Then invite your less privileged girlfriends to cooperate and no one will be bothered. Obviously, don't share the best pieces of the institutional cake with anyone. Many of your colleagues will be delighted only by the modest perspective of warming themselves in the splendor of your genius.
23. In order to avoid any concerns about the quality of your work, you will be exhibiting for some time with more interesting and experienced professionals. Some of them consciously promote you for one reason or another, others simply have nothing to say and their consent will bear fruit in the future. And that's because you know people.
24. Ignore any form of criticism. There are millions sinking in this game. Additional 2.5 millions will calm down the loudest worming flies above your brilliant head. Everything will be smoothly translated as 3 magic "C": cooperation, collaboration, community. Then no one would dare any longer to solve this puzzle : we are all on this economic ladder. It's nothing that it will fall over again in a moment. Don’t forget: 3 magic “C”.
25. Always insist that everything you do is socially engaged - it will only emphasize how much you deserve all that you have achieved through your profoundly pro-social, selfless and disinterested leftist views.
26. Do not forget that in the face of another conflict in Afghanistan or Syria, the most important problem is your "gender" and "identity".
27. Your career is boosting, all splendors are falling upon you. You've spent four years on senseless wandering around the college, complimenting your almighty, older (not) colleagues and gossiping about these mortals who wasted their time studying. For this reason, you have no idea that the next 70,000 quit pumped into your “masterpiece” project generated no value. Not only that, it even stripped your work of any value.
28. You don’t get that a few hundred thousand quit pumped into your "about social inequalities" project could help even a small group of teenagers or abandoned and forgotten retirees. This money could help if it was donated in a generous and reasonable way to those GROUPS, who care, who help, who are working full time shifts to improve the quality of our everyday lives. Drunk with all sudden splendor, you don’t realise you are at the level 8 of hypocrisy showing work “about social inequality or disadvantaged areas” that cost thousands: residencies, grants, awards and other bullshit. And those “elites” that reward you discriminate the most.
29. Due to all of the above-mentioned reasons, you do not realize that you are wandering inside the bubble of mutual adoration. That your insolence and ignorance is a great medium among the generously sponsored groups of beneficients in this system. But the most important thing you don't know is that this sudden outburst of your institutional genius has no meaning whatsoever. Art is and has always been helpless in the face of history and the passage of time. And only these two tools are able to evaluate your work and who you are (were). Not the curators. Not the critics.
30. You don’t know that the only testimony you can humbly bear on the pages of history are years of decent work done and quietly developed research - the result of your independent, intellectual effort. You don’t know that, as a scientist or writer, you may wander for ten years left with nothing or you may not be published. Your tool should be a skill, craft and workshop thanks to which you get paid for the work DONE. You don’t know any of these, because they don’t teach you anymore in college. Anything is art, anyone is an artist: for only 3000 - 7000 quit per 6 months of… of what, actually?
It’s so wonderful isn’t it? It is as wonderful as you are.
High Art. And High Math.
*Any direct links are coincidental; This short guide is based on years of research and discussions implemented among various groups involved in the “industry”.


Relax. Don't Do It.